kazmeller:

jiluan:

kazmeller:

i really want to make music but i can’t sing 😦 or rap

I’m beatboxing right now drop a freestyle

im on the cell phone 
holdin my dick bone
im just tryna phone rome
caesar gonna get some

they call me lil man lil dick itty bitty meat stick
my vienna sausage dumb soft 
i cant even nut quick

these rhymes go hard though
like hot piss, cold snow
you aint even know
my dick cant get hard tho

you viagra ass hoes
poppin pills to get by while 
im slapping at my dick and im wondering why 
my dick dont work

my dick dont work 
my dick dont work
my dick dont work
my dick dont work
my dick dont work
my dick dont work
my dick dont work
my dick dont work
my dick dont work
my dick dont work

usingtimewisely:

zombiesahoy:

satanblessitt:

greatjaggi:

This is actually the best intro to a porno that has ever existed

There is no way this is a porno

This is the best porno there has ever been.

The way he says “HEY WHAT THE FUCK” shaped me as a person

emeraldflames:

Parents need to stop staying in loveless marriages just because they have kids. Stop sacrificing your happiness just so your kids can grow up in a 2 parent household. It’s toxic for the kids to grow up watching a dysfunctional marriage because it warps their perception of what love actually is. I know they think they’re doing what’s best for everyone, but it’s really not.

superfluousity:

dank-space-memes:

inkandcayenne:

wilfulwayfarer:

rasec-wizzlbang:

dalaisa-katili:

local-emo-mom:

anarcho-individualist:

explanatorypower:

i dont understand this at all and america scares the fuck out of me

This is the america they don’t want you to see

i love america

This is what you call Waffle House at 2 am when the bars close and everyone is drunk and hungry

*group of people having fun*
this site: wtf this is so scary

People having safe fun at a waffle house is scary for most Tumblr bloggers, reports say.

Some context for those not familiar with Waffle House Culture: 

  • Waffle House is one of the few chains in America that’s open 24/7/365, and where you can get both breakfast and lunch/dinner options at any time (I have had so many Breakfast Cheeseburgers at Waffle Houses). The food is really good, and people eat there at all times of the day or night, but it’s particularly popular as a late-night post-drinking spot because it’s all that’s open and it’s the kind of food that tastes especially good when you’re hammered.
  • Part of Waffle House Protocol is that all the servers and cooks greet every single customer as they come through the door. It sounds lame, but I’ve never been to a Waffle House where that greeting didn’t feel completely heartfelt. My mom is a health nut who could barely find anything on the menu she was willing to eat and yet she describes the Christmas Day lunch we had there one year as one of the nicest meals she’s ever had because everyone was so warm and welcoming. That sense of camaraderie gets turned up to 11, of course, at 2 a.m. when everyone’s shitfaced.
  • The jukeboxes have Waffle-House-themed songs on them (once you have heard “Raisins in my Toast” you will be earwormed forever) and there is an arcane system of hash brown ordering: scattered, smothered, covered, chunked, topped, diced, peppered, and/or capped. The hot sauce bottles say “Casa de Waffle.” 
  • Once, in Oxford (UK), my husband and I walked past a kebab van very late one night and he said “why do I smell Waffle House”
  • The location of most Waffle Houses means there’s some… classism that tends to get tied up with Anti-Waffle House Discourse, which is probably lending itself, in part, to this being such a fraught topic. (I’m looking at a map and apparently I was born and raised right in the middle of the Peak Waffle House Density Zone)
  • It is, in the words of chef Anthony Bourdain, “indeed marvelous— an irony-free zone where everything is beautiful and nothing hurts; where everybody regardless of race, creed, color or degree of inebriation is welcomed.”

This was adorable lmao

Someone link the waffle House index here- disasters are literally measurrd by if waffle houses are open or not