a guide on men’s bathrooms

simon-says-nothing:

lemme tell you, when you start passing and trying out this scary ass world you gotta prepare- so here’s a list of stuff to watch out for

• don’t look at the urinal with profound bewilderment (trust me, it’s an URGE)
• when a man nods at you while takin a thicc piss, nod back. idk why, it’s secret cis code
• man says ‘how’s it goin?’ don’t hesitate, put on your best Straight Male™ voice and say ‘it’s goin.’
• usually this will be garnered with a gruff laugh, don’t smile or they will smell your humanity!! wash your hands and go bud.
• don’t act like you ain’t meant to be there, you’re prolly more of a man than any of those fuckers so stand tall and stand proud
• if someone glances at you weird, rather than thinking ‘shit im not passing’ realize that it’s probably just that you were so handsome that you just gave a guy his awakening!! congrats!!!
• don’t back down. you both reaching to get that piece of paper towel first? be fast. be bold. crush your enemies.
• a group of swanky men come in laughing? avoid.
• business men? avoid.
• friendly men? approach with caution.
• nervous boy™? congrats you’ve found your kin!!! bless!!!
• above all, don’t be too scared. it is horrifying at first but i promise you you are looking super manly today!! strut into that bathroom!! those losers that say dumb shit?? break their faces with a mirror!!
• you got this!! you are valid my lovely masc-identifying humans!!